Friday, October 11, 2013

4 Months

I didn't know what being a mom would feel like, nor what it is supposed to feel like. It's been an adventure every day and a whirlwind of missed sleep, cold food, and a lot of pajama wearing. But now that 4 months have passed I can say this:

I am tired. All. The. Time. And that's ok because I'm also in awe of this little human that knows me as "Mom". I'm happy to be tired because that means my daughter is growing up and developing her own personality. Over the past month I've come to the realization that growing up is harder on parents than it is on kids. I go through the back and forth of wanting her to stay little forever and wanting her to grow up faster so we can play together and I can hear her talk and we can share things. {like me and my mom. Hi, Mom!} I know it will come in due time and so I gently remind myself to take each day as a blessing and don't hurry or rush or take anything for granted. 

I'm proud too. Proud that she can roll over and hold her head up. Proud that she's mine. As she gets older I'm sure I won't always be proud, but here's to hoping. Pride in your child(ren) is interesting because it seems like you never know what to expect. You can give them the best tools possible and yet they still have the total ability to mess up. I know that my parents aren't proud of every choice I made growing up but they did the best to support me. I can only imagine how devastated they were when I made poor choices knowing that they "raised me better than that". And it's true. Unfortunately we forget that parenting, like growing up, is a learning process. There's no handbook or class on how to teach your kids morals. There's just you and the kid. But, I digress. I'm currently very proud of my daughter. {Peyton, you can remind me of this moment in 15ish years}. 

I'm so in love with this little girl. I wasn't aware that this much love was possible. Most mornings I watch her sleep when I first wake up and say a little prayer for her. Sometimes it's overwhelming and a single tear {or two} roll down my face. I pray that one day she'll know this feeling. She is my world {and I'm pretty sure she's Brian's too} and I can't imagine what life would be like without her. {Were we really a complete family before this?}

With that, I say, Happy 4 months, PG! I love you more every day and I am so excited to watch you grow even more!